Why Adoptees Disconnect from Themselves (And How Curiosity Helps)

In this first episode of a brand-new series inspired by Julie Brumley’s workshop The Art of Cultivating Belonging: Returning to the Body After the Story, Julie explores the first condition that helps self-belonging begin to emerge:

Curiosity.

As adoptees - and honestly, as people shaped by trauma - many of us learned to immediately judge, suppress, explain, minimize, or abandon what we feel.

But curiosity interrupts judgment.

It creates space to notice what is happening inside us without immediately trying to fix it.

In this episode, Julie shares:

• how adoptees become skilled at reading everyone else while disconnecting from themselves
• why hypervigilance, people-pleasing, performance, and emotional suppression are survival adaptations
• the difference between asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “What happened in me?”
• why the body often tells the truth before the mind can explain it
• and how healing begins not through force… but through noticing

Julie also guides listeners through a gentle somatic noticing practice designed to help reconnect with sensation, safety, and self-awareness in a nervous-system sustainable way.

Because belonging is not something we think our way into.

It’s something the body slowly learns it can build internally.

Keywords

adoption, adoptee healing, curiosity, belonging, nervous system, somatic healing, trauma, hypervigilance, emotional suppression, self-awareness, embodiment, identity, self-belonging

Key Topics

• The five conditions that cultivate self-belonging
• Curiosity as the first condition of healing
• Hypervigilance, shape-shifting, and adaptation in adoptees
• Why love may not have felt safe in early life
• The body’s role in healing and self-awareness
• Learning to notice without fixing or judging
• Reconnecting to sensation after disconnection
• Somatic grounding and orientation practices
• Healing through awareness rather than force

Key Takeaways

• Curiosity interrupts judgment
• Survival often teaches adoptees to disconnect from themselves
• The body often communicates before the mind understands
• Healing begins with noticing, not fixing
• You don’t need to force transformation
• Small moments of staying with yourself matter
• Belonging grows through repeated moments of returning to self

Chapters

00:00 – Beginning a new series on belonging
01:20 – The five conditions of self-belonging
02:10 – Why curiosity matters in healing
03:00 – Hypervigilance, performance, and adaptation
05:00 – “What do I need to be to be accepted?”
06:15 – From “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened in me?”
07:10 – Where the body holds truth
08:00 – Guided somatic noticing practice
12:00 – Grounding through sensation and orientation
14:30 – Letting the body know you’re listening
15:15 – Why healing begins with noticing
16:20 – Staying present with yourself
17:15 – Closing reflections + next week’s episode on clarity

Closing Reflection

Belonging doesn’t begin when we finally “fix” ourselves.

It begins the moment we become willing to stay curious about what we carry…
and gently turn back toward ourselves instead of away.

Links & Resources

Schedule a Connection Call with Me

Understanding Your Nervous System: A Guide for Adoptees and Those Who Love Them

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