"What's Wrong With Me?" - Why Adoptees Ask This and What to Do Instead
Jun 04, 2026
Last week's episode on Condition 1 - Curiosity
Clarity isn't certainty. It's awareness. In this episode, Julie explores the second condition for self-belonging: the gentle, non-judgmental ability to notice what's happening in you - without needing to have it all figured out first.
Building on last week's episode about curiosity, Julie unpacks why so many adopted people (and others with early trauma) get stuck waiting for complete understanding before they allow themselves to heal, and why that's not how healing actually works.
In this episode, Julie covers:
- Why clarity is awareness, not resolution - and why that distinction matters
- How the body holds clarity before the mind can catch up
- The difference between intellectualizing your experience and being with your experience
- The patterns that develop when love doesn't feel consistently safe: pulling back from closeness, working to justify your presence, hiding emotions that weren't received well
- The most important shift clarity makes possible: moving from what's wrong with me to what is happening in me
Somatic Practice - The Clarity Practice: Julie guides listeners through a body-based exercise to gently meet what they've been carrying. The practice includes grounding, orienting to your space, and three reflective prompts:
- A part of me learned...
- A part of me still believes...
- What I actually needed was...
Keywords
adoption, self-awareness, clarity, somatic practice, trauma, emotional patterns, healing, nervous system, curiosity, self-belonging
Chapters:
00:00 - Welcome & The Distinction That Changes Everything Clarity is not certainty - it's awareness.
02:28 - What Clarity Actually Is Clarity isn't having it all figured out.
04:50 - The Body Knows Before the Mind Does
07:12 - Seeing the Patterns Without Judgment Clarity doesn't diagnose or condemn.
09:27 - The Clarity Practice A guided somatic exercise to gently meet what you've been carrying.
15:38 - Whatever Came Up, That's Enough Reflection on what the practice revealed
16:03 - Why This Work Matters for Adopted People
18:04 - Preview of Next Week: Capacity
Next week: The third condition — Capacity. Learning how to stay with yourself while emotion is happening, without leaving yourself inside of it.
If something came up for you in this episode, DM Julie on socials or schedule a conversation using the link in the show notes. If this podcast has meant something to you, a five-star review or a few written words helps this work reach more adopted people and the families who love them.
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