Why Transracial Adoptees Feel Like Strangers in Their Own Mirror (And What Reunion Taught Adam Esparza)
Jul 23, 2026
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About the Adoptee Mentoring Society: founded by Angela Tucker (author of "You Should Be Grateful"), AMS offers mentoring, lounges, and community that is by adoptees, for adoptees - a place where you never have to over-explain yourself.
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Some adoption stories get told over and over. Others stay in the dark. In this episode, Julie sits down with Adam Esparza - transracial, transnational adoptee from Guadalajara, Mexico, advocate and ambassador with the Adoptee Mentoring Society - for a conversation about the layers of adoption that society doesn't seem to want to name.
Adam shares what it was like growing up visibly different from his adoptive family, making up stories in kindergarten show-and-tell to survive, and legally changing his name back to his birth surnames so the person in the mirror finally made sense. He opens up about the reunion that found him when he had all but given up - a message from a cousin, a birth mother who once hid him from the authorities who came to take him, and a full brother, Israel, who looked exactly like him and painted roses, just like Adam always had.
Together, Julie and Adam explore:
Why some adoptee stories get visibility while others - like Mexican adoptees - remain largely unseen
The dark underbelly of adoptions in Guadalajara, black market realities, and why we can't be afraid to name what really happened
What reunion felt like in the body - Adam describes stepping out of survival mode for the first time in his life
The grief of cultural disconnection: language, mirrors, food, art, and the homeland that stays in you no matter what
Returning to Mexico for Dia de los Muertos to say goodbye to the brother he never got to meet
Being a male adoptee in spaces where men are underrepresented, and why analyzing your emotions to help others is its own kind of strength
How siblings adopted into the same family can cope in completely different ways - and how compassion keeps the door open
What every parent of a transnational adoptee needs to accept: one day, that child will want to go back
Adam's message to any adoptee feeling culturally untethered is simple: stay curious. You are not contractually bound to one side of yourself or the other. Don't neglect either one.
A note of care: this conversation includes honest discussion of suicide statistics among adoptees, alcohol dependency, and an abusive relationship. Please listen with support around you if these topics are tender for you. You are not alone in this.
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