Loss: The First Landscape Adoptees Walk Through

adoptees adoption ambiguous loss gabor mate healing identity loss secondary loss trauma vicarious loss Nov 20, 2025

Summary:

This episode of the Resilience Project delves into the complex topic of loss, particularly from the perspective of adoptees. Julie Brumley explores three distinct types of loss: ambiguous, vicarious, and secondary, and discusses how these losses are deeply embedded in the lives of adoptees from birth. The episode aims to increase awareness and understanding of these unique experiences, offering insights from experts like Gabor Mate and personal reflections from Julie's own life.

Takeaways:

Loss is a foundational experience for adoptees, woven into their lives from birth.
Ambiguous loss involves losing an entire family, culture, and identity without closure.
Vicarious loss is a traumatic experience embedded in senses, reactivated in distress.
Secondary loss stems from core losses, reactivating original traumatic memories.
Adoptees often experience multiple losses before they can even process them.
Healing requires acknowledging and validating these losses within oneself.
Creating a safe mental space is crucial for adoptees to cope with loss.
Society often fails to recognize the depth of loss experienced by adoptees.
Adoption is created from loss, a hard truth that needs validation.
Understanding and confronting these losses is essential for healing.

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